Sunday, 26 June 2011

Look down, the ground below is crumbling

I haven't written a blog post in a while, so thought I should do one. I have been busy the last couple of weeks, with finishing exams and then I had a week in Bath doing lots of fun things. Then I have come home for summer and have already started back at work.

There are a lot of things that are making me happy at the moment. I am in a good place. I have bought a Ukulele and I am putting a lot of effort into learning that. I feel refreshed after having a few weeks of not working and doing things I enjoy.

However, there are also a lot of things that are getting me down. The main thing that I have been pushing to the back of my mind is what I mentioned in my last blog post. I have been told that I have to have an operation to remove an abscess. It is about two inches above my anus in the natal cleft. It is not something I have found easy to tell people about, because I don't really understand the impact it will have on me.

I decided that I wanted to have the operation when I go back to Bath for university. This is because I think it will only effect me physically. And right now I need to work. I need money to pay my rent and to get out of my overdraft. My work as a waitress is very physical and I don't think I will be able to do this after the operation.

People don't seem to understand this decision and think I should have it at home where my family are here to look after me. But I don't think I will need looking after. I can't comprehend the idea of not being able to carry on as normal. Because that is all I have ever done. When I was at college and the most unwell I have ever been in my life, I still went every day. The only time off I ever had was for hospital appointments, and this was during my diagnosis.

I know that things will be harder, that I will be in a lot of pain all the time, but all I can do is push through the pain and carry on. I don't care if I will miss university for a couple of weeks because it isn't actually the most important thing in my life. The most important thing is that I have this operation and get better. I will catch up with my work and I won't let it jeopardise my grades. I will get extra help with my work if I need it.

And I have to think this way because... Otherwise I don't know what I will do.

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