Sunday, 5 June 2011

Today I don't feel like doing anything...

I just wanna stay in my bed!
Today I am feeling rubbish! I am in the middle of my exams, I have my second one tomorrow and should be revising. I have done a bit today, but not as much as I would have liked because I am so tired!

Another reason is because I am feeling ill. And its annoying because It is not to do with Crohn's. Actually it is. Crohn's gave me a problem and in trying to fix it, I am feeling worse than I was originally.

I don't want to say what my problem is right now because in real life I have only told three people. I am waiting to see a doctor on Monday who will make a decision, until then I am trying not to worry about it. From past experience I think I know which way things will go, but I am not particularly happy about either outcome.

In life, we make decisions which will effect us forever. Sometimes we are forced in one direction. We have to do things we don't want to do. This is part of growing, and having new experiences. There are a lot of people in the world who constantly avoid making these tougher decisions. Being a person who falls into the category of being forced into things (by this I mean medically), I tend to see those people as just avoiding responsibility. I sometimes forget to think about the reasons behind why people make these constant wrong decisions. Is it because of their state of mind, their financial situation or the way they have been brought up? Maybe we are always forced into our decisions, even if it does seem like we are taking the easy way out. Because, does it really give us the easiest outcome?

I am a logical thinker, and doing things which does not seem to be the sensible thing to do makes me feel very nervous. But is this restricting me in my life experiences? Sometimes you have to take a gamble, and push yourself in the other direction.

But I think this needs to be saved for another time. For now, I will continue to be pushed by my doctors, into the things that I don't want to do, to try and get better. Besides, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? That's just what I have to keep telling myself.

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