Tuesday, 27 November 2012

I'm so tired

You say that to a healthy person, and they think they know what it means. I’m sure they do to a certain extent. But what I mean is: I can’t lift up my fork to put food into my mouth. If I sit down I might not stand up again. If I close my eyes they might not open, and I don’t know if I want them to.

When I wake up in the morning, its only an hour or two until I feel like this again and somehow I have to push on through the rest of the day.

There is another part to it too. It’s the part that says, I need to sleep so I can stop thinking about all the worries and anxieties that keep running through my mind. If I sleep, I won’t feel the next symptom, the next pain. The next addition to my growing fear of the future.

I’ll go to sleep now and ill dream of another place.     Or just nothing.    That’s fine too.

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