Sunday, 22 May 2011

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say

When I decided to make this blog and focus it on someone living with a chronic illness, I assumed I would make a post explaining Crohn’s, and then one on how I got diagnosed. But now I don’t think I will. I will do one soon on exactly what Crohn’s is and how I am affected. But I don’t feel like I can do that yet because it is something I find hard to talk about, even on here.

It is something that everyone who has Crohn’s struggles with. How do you explain this? How do you put across to people the way it completely turns your world upside down? How it changes you. The pain. The stigma attached to the symptoms. The worry, the stress, the blood tests, the doctor’s visits, the anxiety of what is to come.

The misunderstanding.

The feeling of being completely alone, in this world of doctors and medicines, and magical solutions which will help you live a relatively normal life. 

But they don’t teach you how to deal with it.

They don’t teach you what to say.

And it is so difficult because it is so important. It is so important that people understand. That they take you seriously and see what you go through, but they don’t pity you, and that they don’t find it disgusting, that they don’t see you as weak and struggling, but stronger and a better person for it.
And how do you get all that across to the stranger who asked, the possible new friend, the old friend, the boss, the teacher, the family, the boyfriend?

You have to learn the hard way. You have to get knocked down, and pick yourself up, and try again.

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